Relational Well-Being
What is Relational well-being?
The extent to which we have positive and satisfying relationships with others, a sense of social acceptance and contribution, and a sense of community and social support.
Relational Well-Being:
Positive relationships with others
Social integration
Social acceptance
Social contribution
Social actualization
Social coherence
“Relational and mental health are inseparable… Making friends is the first free choice relationship we have as kids. Our friends provide community and continuity in an ever-changing world.” - Esther Perel
Our relational well-being is about having positive and satisfying relationships with others, social acceptance and contribution, and sense of community and social support.
Our social connections matter. Humans are inherently social creatures. Our social relationships have and always will be vital to our survival – and to our well-being and flourishing.
Relationships include all of the interactions we have with partners, friends, family members, colleagues, supervisors, mentors, and our larger communities.
The best relationships are those where we feel supported, valued, and loved by others.
People with high relational well-being:
Have positive and satisfying relationships with others
Have a sense of belonging to community and society
Are trusting of and comfortable with others
Believe that they are a vital and contributing member of society
Believe in the evolution of society and a sense that society has a potential which is being realized through its institutions and citizens
Care about the kind of world they live in
A lot of people are hesitant to work intentionally on relationships and community building.
We sometimes may not recognize what we’re lacking in our well-being because we haven’t had strong relational and spiritual well-being in the.
That can manifest as anxiety, depression, a sense of the need to plug into others (hello, social media), or chaos (a lack of grounding through connection).
Components of Relational Well-Being
Positive relationships with others:
Warm, satisfying, trusting relationships with others
Concerned about the welfare of others
Capable of strong empathy, affection, and intimacy
Understand the give and take of human relationships
Social integration:
Feel like you have things in common with others in your life
Have a sense of belonging to community and society
Social acceptance:
Hold favorable views of human nature
Feel comfortable with others
Trust others
Think others are capable of kindness and can be industrious
Social contribution:
This intersects heavily with meaning and purpose, which are covered in the Spiritual Well-Being section)
Belief that one is a vital and contributing member of society
Feel like they have something of value to give the world
Social actualization:
Believe in the evolution of society, like society has a potential that can be achieved through its institutions and citizens
Social coherence:
Care about the kind of world one lives in
Feel like you can understand what is happening around you
View society as predictable and understandable
Care about understanding the world around you
Benefits of Social Connection & Community
Physical Benefits
Individuals who are integrated in a community experience fewer contractions of the common cold and lower likelihood of heart attack, stroke, cancer, depression, and even premature death (Putnam, 2000). This may be because being a part of a community decreases a big player in disease: stress.
The emotional support provided within communities decreases stress (Deichert et al., 2019) which is significant because chronic stress can lead to illness or exacerbate current illness.
Increased sense of community responsibility predicts increased altruistic behavior which increases longevity of life and well-being (Yang et al., 2020).
Psychological Benefits
People involved in community are less likely to experience sadness, loneliness, low self-esteem, and problems with eating and sleeping (Putnam, 2000).
Participating in a community tends to bring a sense of empowerment (Tanaka et al., 2018) and sense of purpose (Weston et al., 2020).
Social Benefits
Communities can help facilitate larger scale progress. Social change is more likely to occur when people feel a sense of belonging and community responsibility.
Those who feel a sense of community are more likely to identify with humanity, which leads to prosocial behavior (Albarello et al., 2020).
Neighborhoods and public places with high levels of “sense of community” are cleaner, have friendlier people, and are safer (Putnam, 2000).
Community participation in disadvantaged groups increases life satisfaction through multi-group belonging and group identification (Haslam et al., 2020).
Reflection Questions for Relational Well-Being
Below, the reflection questions help you assess your relational well-being through the micro-, meso-, and macro-levels. Then, there is a section of questions for relational mental- emotional well-being (applying a relational lens to our mental-emotional well-being).
Micro: What is the quality of your relationships to other people?
Do you feel close with at least a couple people in your life? What does “closeness” mean to you?
To what extent do these relationships feel warm, supportive, trusting, and uplifting? What are other qualities you would use to describe these relationships?
How satisfied are you with your relationships with other people? What makes you satisfied / dissatisfied with them?
Meso: Thinking somewhat more broadly about your community, including your friends, family, colleagues, neighbors, etc.:
To what extent…
Do you feel a sense of social acceptance and belonging?
Do you fully accept and include others in your life?
Do you set healthy boundaries with others, maintaining your sense of self in relationships?
Are you able to resist social pressures to think and act in certain ways?
What is the quality of your social support? Is your social support balanced with self-determination and independence?
To what extent are you able to make effective use of the opportunities surrounding you?
Macro: Thinking even more broadly, to the society you live in:
What does it mean to you to be a “contributing member of society”? What does it look like?
Is this important to you? Would you have answered this differently at any point in your past?
What ways are you already contributing to your family, neighborhood, or community? What are ways you’ve wanted to, but haven’t followed through with? Why didn’t you follow through, what got in the way?
What does it mean to you to “feel like you have something of value to give the world”?
Overlap Between Relational
& Mental-Emotional Well-Being
When thinking about our mental-emotional well-being, we often only consider our own thoughts and emotions, and how we feel about our own thoughts and emotions. However, this part of our well-being is also about how we feel about and respond to others’ thoughts and emotions.
I’ve included this “others’ thoughts and emotions” section under Relational Well-Being as it’s a bit easier to think about this in terms of our relationships with other people (as opposed to in terms of our own mental-emotional well-being).
How do you feel and think about others’ thoughts and emotions?
Do they seem foreign to you, difficult to understand?
Are you able to easily empathize with others?
Are you able to understand why someone might think or feel a certain way?
Do you attach value judgments to others’ thoughts and emotions (e.g., that is the right / wrong way to feel about ___)?
How do you cope with others’ thoughts and emotions when they are shared with you?
Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by others’ thoughts / emotions?
Do you take on their thoughts and emotions as your own?
Do you shut down or push them away?
How capable are you of maintaining dyadic awareness of your own thoughts/emotions as well as others’ thoughts/emotions?
Dyadic awareness is the ability to be aware of our own internal world (e.g., thoughts and emotions) while simultaneously being aware of another person’s internal world. Can you hold space for both your own emotions and another’s emotions at the same time?
Note: There is a dyadic awareness practice in the next section!
Are you able to have compassion for others thoughts/emotions, even if you don’t understand exactly why they think/feel that way?
Compassion is the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.